Monday, November 3, 2008


My day was going along just fine. Then I got a call from Debbie at Lindberg. One of the girls lost her baby. She was 23 weeks along.

How many teens loose their babies and have no one to help them, I wonder. But why does it have to be me? Why today? I hadn't even showered yet. I've already been feeling so anxious about this baby growing inside me. Now I'm 20 weeks. This is all hitting too close to home. I don't even know what to say. And she wants me to bring Charlotte's book.

So I called Tanya, packed up *M* and off we went. I had no idea how long it was going to take me and I had to still pick up *Z* from school. I really didn't want to go. I was afraid of what I was about to face.

When I got there, she was sitting at the desk telling her friends what had happened. I've met her before, in fact, she's one I had noticed and wanted to get to know better. Strange how things work out.

we sat together and chatted for a few minutes and the things.

ugh. This post has been sitting in *DRAFT* mode for over a year. I'm just going to post it anyway. I do remember this day. It was hard. I ended up attending the funeral for the baby.

I thought it was going to be a memorial service (without the decedents body there)... but it wasn't. The baby was laid in a tiny coffin. She was so small that I didn't even see her in there until I walked up to pay my respects to the family.

She was badly discolored, but other than that, in perfect form. I remember standing there wanting to pick her up and get a better look at her. She was perfect. Just dead. At that time, I think I was nearing 22-23 weeks pregnant with Lucas. I felt guilty being there, still full of life, when B's womb was now empty.

The smallness of the baby is what I remember the most. Probably because we were so close in our due dates together that I really internalized the development of the baby. He suddenly became very real to me.

I now regret not finishing this post at the time of it happening. There is another on in the que that I will also post. Dang it. I need to get back on track.

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