It's so funny to me to re-read my entries.
I used to do it very often with Charlotte's page, but I'm consciously tring to "move on" and keep this blog rolling. I'm glad that I am writing down the things that have happened because some nights, I do need to re-read them. To remind myself that this is really happening and that all of the little things that connect together were not a figment of my imagination.
As I was driving home tonight I suddenly realized that my baby, my daughter, my teenager is helping me serve these teen moms. That somewhere in the middle of what God has called me to do, He has also placed her in the midst of it.
I had just picked up laundry supplies at Walmart and the thought crossed my mind to have a retreat weekend with some of *my* girls. I envisioned being at our timeshare, about 5 of the girls along with me and my daughter, and we were having a "girls weekend Bible retreat". My daughter and I were serving up the meals to the girls and then I snapped into the reality of just driving along. I got all misty eyed because I thought about... "How did I get to this place?" and "She has always been with me..."
If someone would have told me 15 years ago that I would be doing the things that I am doing because of the things that I have done with the people I have done them for, I would've said they were nuts. But here I am. And my baby girl is with me.
Don't get me wrong. We're really struggling right now. She is going thru all of the typical teenage things that I am sure I went thru, I just don't remmeber them being this way. She says I annoy her. She doesn't want to talk to me or look at me. She slams doors and talks back. But I love her. I just never imagined it would be this hard. Ever.
I wonder what she thinks of what I'm doing. I wonder if she understands. Does she want to be a part of it? She has a jealousy toward me like no other. I am trying to be careful to not let her think that these other girls are more to me than she is, because they are not. But I do feel a tremendous responsibility for them. And a buring love for her.
I was thinking the other day about how things have come to fruition. Ever since we moved into this house I wanted to have a Tea Party. I daydreamed about it and about who would come; figuring it would be ladies from our old church, and maybe a few friends. Then I let the idea go for a while but eventually resumed the thoughts, I suppose a couple of months back, when I started working with these moms. I figured it would cost too much $$ for me to rent tables and do the food and other things so I dropped it.
Well, at the end of this month, the Church is having a Tea. I signed up to host a table. Then I realized that I could have my girls come to that!! I'm so excited for them to be a part of it. There will be tea with an assortment of food, a fashion show and a guest speaker. The speaker has a tour called "The Master's Piece" and she is a potter. She does this whole schpiel about God while she makes pottery. I've heard great things about her.
Anyway, I'm really glad that I get the chance to take some of the moms. I'm hoping that they will be introduced to some things that they may not be used to in thier lives. I'm also taking my own daughter. I hope for her that the more she is around these girls, the more solidified her decision will be to wait until marriage to have sex. I also want her to see how difficult things can be, but there are people out there in this big wide world that care for the downcast and broken. I want these teen moms to feel it too.
But that's how things are happening for me. I seem to have a little idea about something, and thru no merrit of my own, it gets worked out. God is so good.